Blaise Babysitting the Malfoy’s
by sxgittxrius
Summary: The one thing Blaise didn't like was babysitting his friends children, the four of them in fact. It wasn't fun when he tells them jokes and no one would laugh, especially if they're Grangers children as well. They're too smart for his jokes.


**"Aaaaannnnd he scores!" Three boys sat on the floor surrounded by pillows to break their fall as their sister sat near them reading a book.**

Taking a chance seeing as the boys were occupied, Blaise sighs and grinned.

"Would you rather eat 100 bricks or a matter baby?"

The moment of peaceful happiness of holding the mini figures 'flying' around the room was broken by the sound of Blaise's voice.

The children he was babysitting turned away from their toys and book looked at him, confusion all over their faces.

Blaise was currently babysitting the Malfoy children, while his married friends were going out for dinner, he lounged on the couch, one of Hermiones' book in hand as he read, though now it was rested on his chest as he turned to face the children.

His question had come out of nowhere. The boys and Lyra had been quietly playing by their own at the living room floor when uncle Blaise had asked and now they were looking at each other in confusion.

 _Eat a 100 bricks..._

 _Or a what? A baby...?_

Their eyes flitted back and forth amongst themselves as if to see if maybe one of them knew just what that was before little Lyra asked, "What's a matter baby?"

Blaise's face broke out in a grin. "Nothing, sweetheart. How are you?"

The confusion drained off of the oldest, Scorpius's face.

He knew what his uncle Blaise was doing and started to gather up his toy broom and the mini Slytherin quidditch team.

Once they were all together, Scorpius stood and turned on his heel. A brief silence filled the room until Blaise heard the the door to the boys' bedroom open and close, the other two children then stood up and stood up, followed their brother and Blaise heard other doors open and close two more times and Blaise was left all alone.

Or so he thought.

"Uncle Blaise, that's not a very smart joke." Lyra stated as she begin to walk away to the library.

Blaise couldn't say he was surprised that his joke wasn't a huge hit. Disappointed, yes. But not really surprised. Not with those four being their children, anyways.

He opened the book and went back to reading on How to Attract a Females Attention, he wondered what Hermione did with this book and why she ever needed it.

Step One:

Make quality eye contact.

 **If** there was one thing that Blaise hated about being out and about, it was the crowds of women he'd have to accounter in public, asking him to go to their parents and ask for their daughters hand. It was irritating and tiring, why couldn't they leave him alone. He'd rather spend the day with the Malfoy kids...

 **The** next day was a fantastic day for Blaise, it was Saturday. That means he gets to see the Malfoy children.

Flicking dust away from his clothes after leaving the floo, Blaise was greeted with the prettiest sight he's ever seen on her.

"Uncle Blaise, do you want to read a book with me?" seven year old Lyra Malfoy asked wearing a light blue dress that contemplated with her fair skin and curly platinum hair she got from Draco.

"Where's your parents, Princess?"

"They're in their room."

"You came here to greet me alone?" He squatted down to her height.

"Well, Scorpy, Hype and Leo are eating their dinner." She grinned.

"Don't call me Scorpy!" His voice could be heard from the kitchen.

Blaise chuckled as he heard the eldest of the Malfoy family not far from where he stood. He then heard a shocked gasp and turned towards his Goddaughter.

"What is it?"

"Did it hurt?" Her small browns burrow in worry.

Knowing this joke very well he replied with, "When I fell from heavens? Why ye-"

"You have a cut on your neck Uncle Blaise, this is not a time for jokes." She pointed at the gash on his being.

"I have a what now??" He ran towards the glass window, to see a red line going from his face to his neck. Then scowled when he remembered what he went through earlier to leave the presence of many women.

When he didn't hear Lyra behind him, Blaise turned to find her coming out of a room holding a red box with a white plus on it.

"So does it hurt?"

"Not really, but they did say that I had snoo in my blood."

Lyra blinked and frowned, "What's snoo?"

"Oh, not much, what's new with you!"

Blaise has never seen utter disappointment from anyone other than his wife when he told her the same joke the other day. Seeing it from his favourite Malfoy sweetheart's eyes as the light left her eyes, she left without helping him treat his wound.

"Hey! Where are you going?!" He exclaimed.

Blaise sighed as no one in this family would let him live with his jokes, he took out his wand and healed himself.

 **Hermione** had allowed the four children and the male adults to build another fort. The couch was currently cushion-less and all their blankets been stripped from their beds and were instead draped over the couch, the chairs from the dining table and whatever assorted furniture they could drag into the living room. Draco wanted to build their fort with magic until his daughter and youngest son yelled 'no'.

It was rather amusing, whatever chance Draco had when they weren't looking, he took out his wand and did small magic of putting the blankets quicker, until Leo yelled out "Daddy, you can't use magic!" And the youngest at age 6 pulled the blankets off and went back to what he was doing before.

It helped that they were supplied with drinks and snacks, so they could cuddle the inside the fort and were only a shout away for anyone to put on the next movie or bring them more snacks.

It wasn't an hour later, empty bowls and lolly wrappings on the floor, when Scorpius came into the kitchen to find his mother cooking dinner.

"When's dinner?"

"In another half an hour or so. Did the movie finish?" Hermione questioned as she turned the chicken over.

"No, but we ran out of snacks."

"How about we make a deal. You can go back and give me all the bowls and wrappers and I'll give you more." She smiled at her son as he bolted out and a minute later came back what she wanted.

"Alright here are the remaining snacks I'll give out before dinner."

"Thank you mother."

Hermione turned to check on the meal on the stove, taking a bite she didn't hear anyone behind her, when Blaise stood and smirked.

"Mrs Malfoy! What're you eating under there?

"Huh?" Hermione lifter her head as she turned to face him. "What're you talking about? Under where? If you noticed in not under anything."

"You eat underwear, Granger?" His nose scrunched and he scooted backwards. "That's pretty gross."

She glared as if he was something bad she accidentally stepped on under her shoes towards her work place. Blaise sighed as it was another failure to make anyone in this household laugh.

 **The** door to the manor swung in and the babysitter shuffled into the living room. He observed the children as the separately did their own things.

Hyperion stood with a bottle of food flakes feeding his fishes.

Leo laid on the carpet as he stared at nothingness and next to him was his brother, Scorpius reading; Quidditch Through the Ages.

And finally, the only daughter and his favourite, sat Lyra with one of the elves, making cookies.

The parents went out for another date and his wife was out with their son on another mother-son outing. Even his own family couldn't take his jokes.

"What are you making there, sweetheart?"

"We're making cookies. Mum said if I made enough we can send them to Grandpa and Grandma Malfoy."

"Ah. Okay. I ask because, it kinda smells like updog." Blaise pinched his nose as he turned away from her.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Hyperion getting off the chair and slowly making his way towards him.

"What is updog, Master Blaise?" The elf had asked.

"Nothing much, how about you?"

The elf was elated to have someone ask about his day, but unlike the children all three sighed and took a deep breath before yelling, "Do it Hype!"

Blaise frowned and look at the child out of fear and amusement, what can he do? Call his wife to take him home? He laughed silently.

Hyperion inhaled as he picked the telephone and pressed his mother's number from memory and placed the phone to his ear.

There was a slight pause before the whispery voice of whoever was on the other side answered.

"Mummy."

Blaise's breath hitched in fear.

The voice answered and Hyperion gave a nod as presumably his mother continued to speak on the other side. After a while, Hyperion turned slowly in Blaise's direction and a small smirked appeared, "Mmhm. He did it again. So, please come home."

Knowing what kind of pain Hermione Malfoy throws when she punched Draco a million times in the past for making her upset, it never sounded or looked good. Blaise's face in shock after hearing the second child of the Malfoy-Granger family to call his beloved mother to literally kill him with her fist.

"Hype, what kind of treachery is this?! Why do you kids hate me!"

 **BONUS:**

It was Blaise's birthday; Lyra and Draco walked around hand in hand as they look for something to give to him.

"Daddy, do you think Uncle Blaise reads?"

He chuckled as a memory from his childhood resurfaced. "He never opened a proper book as far as I can remember."

"Then, do you think he'd like this?" She questioned as she held in her two hands; A Mastermind of Jokes for Idiots.

"Where'd you get that?" He frowned as the word Idiot sprawled on the cover.

"Uncle George gave it to me when I told him we were looking for presents."

Draco sighed in relief when he realised she didn't know the word.

"I'm sure he'd love it, Love."

She gave him a bright smile as they walked home, not before his daughter asked the question he dreaded.

"Daddy, what's an Idiot?"

Draco inwardly sighed, his wife is going to kill him.


End file.
